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Rev Dr Margie Bryce

Your leadership coach
helping you prevent burnout

129: Pastor Appreciation Month revisited

Do some burnout prevention so you don't get crabby!
The Crabby Pastor
129: Pastor Appreciation Month revisited
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How does gratitude expression impact pastor health?

Join me, Margie Bryce, on the Crabby Pastor podcast as we unpack the complexities of Pastor Appreciation Month. And yes, this is my annual rant with a goal of looking at preventing leadership burnout. And, I’m asking whether a designated time for gratitude is really necessary, or do we risk turning a heartfelt gesture into a Hallmark holiday? 

This episode sheds light on the struggles pastors face, such as managing parsonages, setting boundaries, and the ever-crucial task of self-care so we work on preventing burnout. I also discuss the importance of recognizing burnout and offer a practical tool—a burnout symptoms test that is available on my website—to help assess personal mental health. 

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Transcript

Margie: 0:01

Hey there, it’s Margie Bryce, your host of the Crabby Pastor podcast, where we talk about all things sustainability, whether it’s sustainability in ministry, in your personal life and we acknowledge that the church is in a transitional time, so we hit topics there too that are going to stretch your mind and the way you lead, especially how you lead yourself, so that you don’t become the crabby pastor. Hey there, friends, it’s that time of year again it’s Pastor Appreciation Month, and I know that resonates in many different ways with many of you, and so, in honor of Pastor Appreciation Month, I’m going to be sharing, twice in October, two different previous podcasts, that kind of address and get at some of that. Hopefully it will help put things in perspective for you. So just know that I’m thinking about you, rooting for you and praying for you as you navigate Pastor Appreciation Month. It is the end of September, which means well, all right, I’m not a fan of fall per se. I mean the colors are absolutely amazing, but, as they say, winter is coming. So I know what happens next after fall, and that’s part of the trepidation about fall that I have, part of the trepidation about fall that I have. But even before winter is here, we have October and for some in ministry October is amazing, for others not so much. Why? October is Pastor Appreciation Month. Hey, you know this might be an episode that you want to share with your ministry colleagues, or maybe you want to share it with leadership in your church, you know, while it’s still September, because you know it might not be quite as obvious that you’re making a point, as the same way as like next week when it’s really really, really October.

Margie: 2:40

Just saying, I have heard of pastors being gifted with trips to the Holy Land and on the other end of the spectrum there are pastors who get, maybe, a round of applause for Pastor Appreciation Month, and I got that once, the round of applause, you know, on a Sunday, not every Sunday for a month, but on one Sunday. They applauded a little more for me and I might have appreciated a cupcake along with that applause. But maybe if I got the cupcake would I have been crabby about that. Good question, good question, eh. That Good question, good question, eh. So this means congregations have an entire month, 31 days, in October, to express their gratitude to their shepherd. Well, technically under shepherd, because Jesus is the shepherd and ministry leaders follow Jesus’s lead. So we are under that shepherd. But that’s a point that really isn’t going to contribute to what I want to say. I digress.Margie: 3:52

I did do a little research on the origin of pastor appreciation. It turns out that it is are you ready? A Hallmark holiday. So Hallmark began this in 1992 with a day, this Pastor Appreciation Day, and now that mutates into a whole month, because two years later, in 1994, focus on the Family picked up this ball and ran with it by urging people to express appreciation to their pastor or ministry leaders. This is, you know, I mean, in theory, this is a great idea, right, we should be appreciative and have gratitude for the people that are working hard to lead us closer to Jesus. Right to Jesus, right.Margie: 4:50

But herein lies the opportunity to be crabby about pastor appreciation, I mean, or not? I mean, isn’t this just a little bit sad that pastor appreciation month holds the potential of triggering crabbiness? Hmm, so here is your rant warning, because I’m going to rant on behalf of some of the ministry colleagues I know who have endured all of October to then lament that they did not even receive a note card of appreciation for a cupcake, with or without the round of applause. Out here in the real world. There’s actually a good number of average meaning non-superstar garden variety of pastors who are faithful and obedient day in and day out, and some would say, well, they knew what they were getting into when they accepted a call to ministry and my response to that is yeah, well, they knew what they were getting into when they accepted a call to ministry and my response to that is yeah, well, you know. Sort of All of us know that real life sometimes falls short of our expectations and my strategy is always to reduce my expectations, and that applies to Pastor Appreciation Month. Just saying I also need to say here, as this is my disclaimer, that any illustration that I’m using here, they are taken from reality, but no names are being used to protect both the guilty and the innocent. That’s my disclaimer. I’m sticking to it.

Margie: 6:28

Lots of things to discuss here. For one, I think there was a good intention when this day was started by Hallmark. I need to stress that, you know, besides the opportunity to sell greeting cards, it’s good to let people know they’re appreciated. This is a good thing. But I do wonder you know about having an appointed time to show that appreciation, you know, and on the other hand, you got a whole month for that. It’s not like you could miss the date, like maybe missing your pastor’s birthday or some other heinous crime like that. That’s when you have to zero in on a single day, not a whole month. Okay, that’s a much broader target to go at. But should there be a time when it is required to express appreciation, or are there times you express that appreciation you know anyway, so a dedicated time is not required? Or is the paycheck a sufficient way to show appreciation? Or was the month created to help ensure that congregations get focused and intentional about doing this? I mean, when did it get so hard to say thank you anyway or let someone know that they’re valued? When did it get so hard to do that?

Margie: 7:58

I mean, the life of a pastor is, it’s kind of unique. I went from, you know, regular work life into the pastorate and it’s a different existence, different type of lifestyle, you know, but it’s really not that far from, but certainly not as lavish as, say, the life of a baseball player. You know, pastors can get moved around, you play on the farm team, you’re an associate, or children youth, until you’re good enough to go to the big leagues and be a senior pastor. But then until you’re important and valuable enough and maybe have an agent, I might add, you could end up getting traded to play for a different team or, in this case, a different congregation. Sometimes relocations is your idea and a lot of times it’s not, depending on whether you’re serving in a denominational structure or not. And this seems to be less of a big deal when you are a single individual, although that has its own dynamic. But when you add in family life and now you’re talking about a whole relocation process, not just for yourself and your work life but impacting the career potentiality of your spouse and new school situations for children.

Margie: 9:24

And of course there’s always packing and unpacking. One friend of mine had nightmares for a long time about that screeching sound that the tape gun when you’re packing boxes makes. It kind of goes, and they kept hearing that you know as they were packing and she was traumatized by that. Anyway, then you have to get reoriented to a whole new town. You know a new dentist, find a new doctor and always you know, finding out where the local Kohl’s is. All of this creates like a disorientation at times and it takes a while to learn the lay of the land.

Margie: 10:07

Hey friends, the Krabby Pastor podcast is sponsored by Bryce Art Glass and you can find that on Facebook. I make stained glass as part of my self-care and also by Bryce Coaching, where I coach ministry leaders and business leaders, and so the funds that I generate from coaching and from making stained glass is what is supporting this podcast and I will have opportunities for you to be a part of sponsoring me and, as always, you can do the buy me a cup of coffee thing in the show notes. But I will have some other ways that you can be a part of getting the word out about the importance of healthy self-care for ministry leaders. So, as some would say, well, we pay them and they knew what they were getting into. We don’t need to do that appreciation stuff, and I do know a pastor friends who, talking about pay, who qualify for government aid programs because their pay level is at or below the poverty level. Churches need to know what their local poverty level is, although paying your pastor just above that is not exactly what I’m going for here, you know, because if you pay them just above the poverty level, you still could cramp somebody’s ability to function well in life and support their family and it’s also not a great thing to say and I’ve kind of encountered this in some church structures like how cheap can we get them for? Those are not the ways to show appreciation. I’m just saying how about looking at your area’s median income and looking at the poverty level? And personally I like a pay scale on a chart. It just kind of it’s a little helpful. So going more into the pastor’s lifestyle as a means of thinking about appreciation and what it looks like.

Margie: 12:27

There are times when pay is an issue for a pastor. You know livable wage is kind of something I hear chatted about. You know it’s hard for pastors to ask for what they need, not what they want. But hear me, you know I don’t know. Do we need? I used to say this to my kids we need to have the needs versus wants discussion again. So it’s hard for pastors to ask for what they need. And I will say this part to pastors, to ministry leaders you got to think of the person coming behind you. You know, if you opt out and you say I never need a raise because somehow you sense that that’s the way you ought to go, if you opt for that, you never have a raise. You are now training the church to never give raises and that’s not exactly helpful for the next person coming along, I got to say. Sometimes pastors need to do the hard thing and point out what’s acceptable and what’s not. I mean people families, ministry families have got to live Now, on the other hand, it is tricky to ask for a raise. This is very awkward stuff. So one way to show appreciation for your pastor is to attend to the aspect of pay and pay increases so that your pastor is not put in the place where they are the ones who have to bring this up Because it’s awkward, it’s very awkward to do.Margie: 14:06

And some others might say this Well, we provide housing for them. And some others might say this well, we provide housing for them, even though in some places, painting the wall anything other than white seems like a federal crime. Not to mention homes that are not kept safe, because I did have a colleague literally lose an eye over black mold in a parsonage. I also know that some pastors didn’t respect the property they were given to live in. Now I’m not sure whether this is a passive-aggressive thing or what, because sometimes the pastors and the trustees and the parsonage, you know it’s like a that’s like an unholy triad or something and it can be an issue, but for me I was second career in ministry. So when I moved into a parsonage you know, after selling my own home and being a homeowner for many years I met with the two trustees of the very first parsonage that I was going to live in. You know, trustees are those who typically take care of the parsonage and it was kind of interesting because one played good cop and the other bad cop and they told me a disturbing story of a pastor cutting down a refrigerator box and then filling it with cat litter and keeping that in the basement next to the furnace. You know where the furnace brings in air and it goes through the whole house. Anyway, I thought seriously. Anyway, after they told me a couple of pastor horror stories with the parsonage, they actually asked me this question what is your philosophy of the parsonage? Which I can guarantee you I have never had to write about any such thing in seminary or give that any amount of thought. But anyway, but having been a homeowner over the years, I said well, I think my job is to at least maintain the home in such a way that its value is protected. And they kind of seem surprised about that.

Margie: 16:07

Another way to show appreciation to your pastor on an ongoing basis is for someone someone to make sure that ministry leaders actually take their vacation time. Some ministry leaders think it’s some kind of badge of holiness if they don’t, and they’re always there to serve. They’re always there, but at the end of the day, that isn’t going to serve them well, because we are just, you know, grass in the field. One moment we’re there, the other we’re not. We are these frail beings and we need that recreation time. Some pastors seem to have trouble doing this, and if your pastor is getting crabby and a cupcake or a trip to Kohl’s doesn’t cut it, then perhaps you need to check out whether they are overdue for a vacation. Another way to show appreciation to your pastor is by not calling them on their day off, as if it’s not their day off. I’m not talking about life or death emergencies. I’m not talking about that at all, because your pastor definitely would want to attend to those. I’m talking about respecting their day off boundary.

Margie: 17:24

Contrary to what some people think, being a pastor is not a 24-7 gig. Good for the Gen Xers and the Millennials who have pursued a better life balance. That should always, always have been the case. So the goal of any pastor is to help your congregation build a relationship with Jesus and basically work their people into not needing them spiritually and I’m not saying they don’t want to do their job, I’m saying they’re trying to grow their attachment to Jesus so that they become spiritually self-dependent on Jesus. You know, because people, your people, become disciples who follow Jesus and then they become Jesus for one another. You know this speaks some to visitation teams and why it doesn’t always have to be the pastor. You need to train your people to be Jesus for one another.Margie: 18:38

So I’m going to finish this segment up by saying this in addition is that pastors really don’t want to see a member of the congregation get up on Sunday and say, hey, everybody, we’re going to send notes of encouragement to the pastor. I mean we’re going to send notes of encouragement to the pastor. I mean people need to be a little more smooth than that so that pastors can understand and just have a moment where they know that they’re appreciated. At the end of the day, if the congregation comes up with nada for Pastor Appreciation Day, know that you are loved and cared for by the Lord, god Most High, and yeah, it would be great to have that somehow obvious through other people who have, you know, skin on and you can actually see it. Or in the case of a cupcake, and you can actually see it. Or in the case of a cupcake, you can actually taste it.

Margie: 19:41

But just look for other opportunities and ways that your people do express appreciation to you, not just in October, because I go back and forth still about whether you know the appointed month is helpful or not, and you can talk to me some about that. I’d love to hear what you have to say. You could email me at margie M-A-R-G-I-E at margiebrice, and that’s B-R-Y-C-E dot com. Talk to me some about that. Is a designated time helpful or not? Because I know for some pastors whose congregations aren’t functioning in that that it can be a disappointing time. I understand that, but on the other hand, maybe there are times and places where you can see God reaching down and encouraging you in what you do, and I would just that would be my prayer for you that if the congregation can’t seem to manage that at the appointed time, that God would show you even now how valuable and appreciated that you are to the kingdom.

Margie: 21:06

Hey friends, I want to thank you so much for listening to the Crabby Pastor podcast. As always, I do this for you so that you can take that next step towards some healthy self-care, but at the same time, I’m always interested in what you’re interested about. So if you have some suggestions for me, you can email me at crabbypastor at gmail, and I for sure, for sure, will take that into consideration. And maybe you even have a great person that you would like for me to interview along the lines of something self-care or something that is connected to those topics and leadership. Even for sure, drop me me a Gmail and always, always, I appreciate you sharing this podcast with friends. I really love it when I hear that that’s being done.

Margie: 22:05

So, thank you, thank you in advance. How’s that? I will say that. And I want to remind you also that there is a burnout questionnaire on my website at margiebryce dot com, and I will put that website in the show notes because it is b-r-y-c-e, margiebryce dot com and you know for sure you’re going to want to check that out. And here’s a moment of real confession here. The link to the burnout questionnaire was a little dysfunctional and I had some interesting surprises when I looked at the back end of what was going on on the website. So it is, it is for sure, repaired, and I want you to go and get that burnout questionnaire if you’re wondering whether your lack of motivation, lack of interest and all that is burnout or not. This should help you make an assessment. So thanks again for listening, be blessed and don’t forget, do your self-care.

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